'Tis the Season

Ho, Ho, Ho! The countdown is on. Plans are being made to spend time with family and friends because Hanukkah and Christmas are great reasons to gather. Especially since we had a couple holiday seasons under the Covid regime, I think many of us cannot wait to be within six feet of each other and without masks on this year. ‘Tis the season.

On the flip side, I can understand why some of us dread the holidays. We may be missing deceased family members and are experiencing pain because when we gather as a family, we are reminded of their absence. Or some of us who are not on good terms with other family members just don’t want to have Forced Family Fun. These situations are quite the opposite of joyful gatherings. But my hope is that even though the holidays may bring out sadness, hurt or anger, we are reminded to use these opportunities to reach out and let our family members know that we see them and we love them.

In fact, ‘tis the season to discover family, forgive family and manage family.

To my left is my cousin Jay-Jay who I’ve known my whole life. She’s the closest person I know outside my immediate families. And to my right is my SIL Heather who I am just getting to know better these days.

This my my niece Rowan. She is six years old and she loves dogs, snuggling with her dad in the mornings and mac and cheese.

Discovery

Anytime the family gathers, we discover each other. I’ve been around my hub for 27+ years and I still discover things about him when we are with family. I love to hear about his childhood stories or observe his reactions to certain situations when we are around his siblings, these are discoveries. We also have to discover family when we don’t get to see them often. Especially when we get to spend time with the younger family members. It is so fun to learn about them. What are their interests, who do they admire, what is their favorite food etc. Discovery is one of the best parts of family gatherings! We discover things we have in common, things we don’t agree with, new recipes or binge shows to look into. Discovery is a blessing for sure.

This time last year, when my SIL, Heather, came for a visit, I discovered that she is a literal person. Meaning she thinks in literal terms. That concept rang a huge bell in my head and ever since then, my relationship with her has never been better. In fact, on this recent visit, she enlightened me about something she thought about when we had a communication snafu the other week. She was glad that we are able to get upset, yet still find our way back (forgive) because it means we are truly sisters because that is what sisters do. I was glad she shared that with me.

Forgiveness

The holidays could be great excuses to forgive. I think celebrating Christmas is like a free pass to let go of sh&t that we have been holding onto. Ooooo, New Year’s Eve is a good holiday to start fresh. When we’re in a festive mood or enjoying the company of family, it is much easier to look past something that is bugging us. When we lift that weight off that we have been carrying around all year, it makes a big difference in our lives and the lives around us. I’d even go as far as to say forgiving someone for something that we have every right to hang onto, is a thoughtful pinch; one that benefits both parties involved. I can fully understand that the process of forgiving can be tricky because the act of forgiving means we have to admit that we’ve been holding onto something in the first place. That takes guts. We also don’t know how the family member will react to being forgiven so we need to be brave enough to know that it could go sideways. Forgiveness is a blessing for sure.

When the Broncos were down 27 to zero against the KC Chiefs, my son had to walk away from my nephew Colton. My son’s way of coping was to go into the hallway and hide from Colton. He knew that staying with the family when he felt upset about the game was not good for any of us. In managing his behavior, he managed our family too. The Pellicer Cousins left to right: my daughter, my son holding Rowan, Mack behind Colton next to Raleigh.

Management

When boundaries are set up it’s very helpful; especially when we gather with extended family. There are plenty of jokes about setting boundaries but I think there’s some serious benefits to managing family - especially during the holidays. Boundaries can seem negative but having family around when these boundaries are in place actually helps us to put things into perspective. The holidays, the way society and media promotes them, can easily shake up routines and our family values. One of the things I want to impart on my kids is that we can set boundaries to have a solid foundation and healthy relationships with others as well as with ourselves. When we manage our expectations, protect our routines and place boundaries around family, we can enjoy the reason for the season. Management is a blessing for sure.

These guys could have spent the day touring the candy factory, playing in Wash Park, visiting St. Nick’s Christmas store - but instead, they wanted to watch my son play in his hockey game. They wanted to be with our family as much as possible. Love them!

Preparing for the holidays tends to bring out some crazy family fights because of pressure, stress, built up frustration, long time grievances etc. But remember, we come together to celebrate the holidays because of FAMILY. So in a couple of weeks, when we spend time with family, let’s pay close attention to them. Love them up. See them. Hear them. It’s not a newsflash that every family is dysfunctional. If we weren’t, we would be robots. Remember the blessing of Management even if it isn’t as “holiday spirit” themed as Discovery and Forgiveness. Management will help you enjoy everyone you spend time with.

Pinches,

Barb