We Are Family
From Left to Right: Nana Debbie, Heather, Me, Hailey and Camille. My three SILs and Hailey’s mom.
We are family - I got all my sisters with me - We are family - Get up everybody and sing. Hello! Since National Sibling Day is around the corner (April 10th), I thought it would be fitting to write about family dynamics. Siblings and family are subject matters that naturally intertwine. But hang on, I’m going to try to parallel it with the new Bronco’s Head Coach’s philosophy. Wait, what?
The back story to this is: Last football season when my brother and his family came out for a Broncos game, I got to know my sister-in-law, Heather, a little better. My brother has been married to Heather for over 10 years and so one would think that I already know her pretty well. But since we haven’t lived in the same state as my brother and his family for over 25 years I didn’t know Heather as well as I should. In that decade, much of the correspondence between Heather and I was via email or texting. Hearing words versus reading words in a text can be COMPLETELY different. So while the family was here for the game, I discovered that my SIL was a literal person. Some may label this personality trait as a “black or white” type thinker. But in my eyes, most of the time, it’s not that comparison at all. A person who is literal is more like - these are the facts that I know and based on this information, my answer, reaction or action upon it is this. Thinking in this manner actually leaves room for a change of heart, growth and/or confirmation. It may seem inflexible which can have a negative vibe, but it’s not really shutting the door on anything. Given more information, proof, data etc, a new view is possible. Stubbornness is also associated with a literal person but that to me, is again an apples to oranges comparison. Someone who is literal takes things for face value, they don’t have the need or the capacity to dig deeper or read between the lines and they don’t bring emotion into it. I call this “efficient” and I admire my SIL because she is very efficient! Becoming aware that Heather is a literal person was a game changer. Now when I read her texts, I know she is just stating what she knows and there is no hidden agenda behind her words. I love that!
Left to Right: John, Frank, Camille and the hub.
What made me feel great about this 80th birthday celebration was that all the members of the hub’s immediate family were able to attend. Life is busy but each one of the siblings literally dropped everything to come. The last time they were all together was for their father’s burial in November 2021.
The other night, my other Sister-in-Law, Camille, and I stayed up until almost 3am talking about anything and everything pertaining to our family. Mostly, we talked about the family support that her aunt has. Aunt Dianne was told that she wouldn’t make it past 65 years old. We’re happy to report that even with Multiple Sclerosis she is alive and kicking at 80 years old. Camille and I traced back the events that might have led up to the members of Aunt Dianne’s family missing her big milestone birthday celebration. And while in the process of dissecting the family dynamics, I got a real glimpse of who Camille was. Since we also haven’t lived in the same state with Camille for 25 years, it was hard to get to know her really well because we weren’t around often. And when we did get to see each other, the interactions we have had were usually during stressful times, like the holidays. Oh the irony of family gatherings during the holidays! I can’t tell you everything Camille and I spoke about the other night between the hours of 1030p-230am but we covered a lot of ground. By the time we wrapped up our conversation, the sense I felt was that every family issue was at least “seen and heard”. And although none of the issues were “solved” or “dismissed”, just knowing that Camille and I are on the same wave length on some things and that our view points on others match, made me feel good when I finally hit the sack early that morning.
This is Hailey, my other Sister-in-Law. We have been close for years. We’re both Virgos and our middle names are Joyce and Joy. I love traveling with her!
Now that we have these back stories, we’re circling back to Coach Hackett. I have had a few interactions with Coach and I already know that he’s a male version of me. Except I can’t dance Hip Hop, I wasn’t a microbiology major and I can’t coach football. But other than that, we’re like the same. We wear our emotions on our sleeves and we both know that making someone feel special by getting to know them benefits all parties involved. Every time Coach goes in for a hug - he puts himself out there. I don’t think he has a fear of rejection because if the person he wants to hug doesn’t want a hug, that’s data that Coach uses to figure out another way to make that person feel special. Below are just a few things that I love about Coach Hackett’s coaching philosophy so far:
It is an extension of how he is off the football field.
He feels that co-workers who enjoy each other will want to work together and be around each other.
His mission is to create an atmosphere in which ALL employees of the Denver Broncos will want to happily come to work because they are invested in the outcome of this organization.
He got busy building relationships ASAP. This is all prior to the football players showing up for anything official at the facility.
He has laid down the foundation, he has set the tone, he has communicated what his culture is. Now he is prepared to learn more about every player.
He is gathering information about the strengths of each player in order to create plays that will maximize the chances of success.
We’ve heard him compare coaches to educators. The best teachers know how to guide their students based on their individual strengths.
He hired a coach who is coaching the coaches. Even though this is larger than the little pinches I usually write about, having a coach to coach the coaches is a thoughtful pinch that benefits everyone from the top to the bottom.
Coach Hackett is really into his family and he treats everyone like they are part of his family. In addition to the things I love about his coaching philosophy, I found a parallel in my two stories about my sister-in-laws. As Coach starts to get to know all of the Bronco players in the next week or two, he doesn’t have decades of time to figure them out AND he has so many players to get to know. I think the only feasible way for Coach to do this is to continue to be himself and surround himself with a staff that can help. As I remain true to myself, I am finding that I am more aware of the strengths of others in my family. I keep gathering information about each and every family member because I am finding that this is valuable; when we think about siblings and how we evaluate our family dynamics, we should make sure to have plenty of data. Every family has their issues but it is very easy to think that other families do not have issues. We can get caught up in comparisons and feel pretty ripped off due to our circumstances. Over a decade later, I am now embracing Heather’s literal mindset and celebrating her efficiency; two traits that I didn’t know she had until recently. I am in a better place in my life so I see it now and I am grateful for her. Then, just a few days ago, I learned that Camille and I feel the same way about many things. Now I am able to use her knowledge to better communicate to my mother-in-law, her aunt and her brothers. Camille and I have had many talks before (not as long) but when we’re not together, our form of communication is texting and email. Live and in person is our best bet and I’m really glad we had that time together. Inspired by Coach Hackett’s philosophy to have great relationships, I am pumped up to find out more about the other members of our family. I’m just glad that I don’t have a whole football team to get to know!
Pinches,
Barb
