Falling Off the Wagon

There is so much talk about New Year’s Resolutions which is inevitably followed by conversations about falling off the wagon. People, who can expect to do ANYTHING on the first of January? We are hungover, football games are on TV and many businesses are closed. It’s a recipe for being a sloth on a couch. Why would anyone think starting a new habit on January 1st was totally reasonable?

The whole concept of happily riding on a wagon then hitting a bump causing us to fall off is totally relatable. Many of us have had experience when it comes to this cliché. We know that anyone, even the best of us, can fall off a wagon, whether we’re prepared or not. So if we’re all vulnerable, why do we insist on starting our wagon ride on the bumpiest day of the year?

I am a huge fan of setting up fresh goals each year and I LOVE Vision Boards. New Year’s Resolutions are my jam (I know, that phrase is so done). But this year, I surprised myself when I was asked what my resolution was at our family dinner on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t have an answer. I hadn’t even thought of it. I was caught with nothing to say. I stuttered, I stalled. I couldn’t come up with ANYTHING.

After reflecting on why I was caught off guard on New Year’s Eve, I figured out that the reason I didn’t have an answer is because I had such a great 2021 that I didn’t want it to end. It’s not something I want to advertise since there are many who had the worst year. However, starting on January 12, 2021, my life changed for the better - I can actually say that my dream had come true. Since that day, I have been living my best life. My year was filled with so many changes and I learned so much about myself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and a woman. It’s hard to think that I can resolve to be better than I am today. But that is ridiculous because of course I can be better! If I didn’t change then I would stay the same and we always need to evolve, improve, learn and change; no matter how good we’re living.

Each year, for the past 3 years, I have come up with a 365 goal. It’s been a very small investment to myself and it pays off because the time I put into each year’s goal, turns into a habit that has helped me become a better person. Three years ago, my goal was to run a mile a day. I run every single day - not two miles on another day if I missed a day, not 5 miles on a day if I missed 5 days. It is at least a mile a day no matter what. I was sick in Feb 2020 so I missed one day. But lucky for me, it was a Leap Year so I still made my 365 goal. The second year I added meditation - five minutes a day. Nothing crazy. I missed about a dozen days of meditating that first year. This year, which would be the second year, I missed months of meditating. Last year I added reading the mass readings which is basically ten minutes of reading daily from a book called The Word Among Us. I missed many days of this goal. I figured I could beat myself up for missing all those days of meditating and reading but then I realized that I really can’t because I am a heck of lot better off than I was three years ago. My goals are small steps; they are the thoughtful pinches that I give myself. Some call it self-care. I think of each goal as a tiny gift that tells my body, mind and soul that I’m thinking of them.

To name a few popular resolutions: lose weight, pay off debts, quit smoking, read more, say less curse words, don’t gossip, drink less, scroll thru social media less etc. Every one of these resolutions are helpful to someone being a better version of themselves. If we lost weight, we would be taking care of our health and therefore we can be around longer for the loved ones in our lives. Fill in the blanks with a resolution, whatever we choose to do for ourselves is ultimately good for others in our lives. This means that the resolution becomes more than one that we make for ourselves, it becomes one that effects others. Wow, I can see how the pressure to remain committed just got more intense! There is always a deeper incentive to those resolutions even though they may seem self-centered. We can see how the wagon ride just got more susceptible for many bumps and so falling off the wagon is more likely to occur.

Now let’s go back to my 365. Running a mile, meditating for five minutes or more and reading daily mass readings. What would happen if I didn’t do any of these? Absolutely NOTHING. It doesn’t effect my family and it doesn’t directly effect my community. In other words, there is no down side if I choose not to fulfill my commitment. What is the up side? Um, 365 miles a year is pretty awesome, learning how to clear my mind can’t hurt and my relationship with God gets better - all good for me. So yes, when I miss a day of running nothing would happen. When I skip meditating and reading a daily mass - I fall off the wagon. And guess what, nothing bad happens. So I climb back on and I continue the ride.

My ONE resolution for 2022 is FAMILY and my 365 this year is to call a family member every day. Texting is super easy. Writing an email is right up my alley. Both involve writing and so I am able to edit thoughts, add/subtract, copy/paste. Calling someone, for me, is the hardest thing to do. It is hard because it requires time - even only a minute or two. I am always short on time - going from point A to point B and always in a hurry. Calling a family member means being present enough to engage in a meaningful conversation. My mind is always scattered, it is hard for me to focus on a conversation and multi-task. This is the main reason why I don’t call anyone, especially my family. I’m all or nothing when it comes to calls. And now with texting, it is so much easier not to call anyone. So when I was deciding on what I wanted to do for myself in 2022, I realized that family connections would help me feel grounded, complete and well…connected. I am already taking care of my body (running), my mind (meditating) and my soul (reading prayers). Now that I feel really good about myself, I want to connect with those who matter most to me and I hope it becomes a win-win type of goal. Here’s the key: if I miss a day of calling someone nothing bad is going to happen. I won’t have to beat myself up over it. But if it does happen - then I’m better off.

The wagon is figurative but I imagine falling off it. Then I am faced with two choices: 1. walk the rest of the way or 2. climb back on. Whether it takes me 365 days to get to where I’m going or I’m short 100 days - I’m still further along the path than if I were to stay where I landed. The good thing about a new year is that there are 365 days in it. We have that many chances to be good to ourselves. If we miss days, especially January 1st, we have plenty more opportunities. Please consider simplifying your goals ( see my post One or 365). Choose a goal that has up sides and very little down sides. Almost every person has hit a bump in their road so be nice to yourself because you’re not the only one who has fallen off the wagon. Stand up, dust yourself off and get back in the driver’s seat again because sitting on your butt in the dirt or walking all that way alone isn’t productive.

Pinches,

Barb