My Helpers
Her name is Christine but we all called her TT. She cared for the kids since my son was a few months old. I always made sure to have dinner waiting for her whenever she came to watch the kids. She is the reason the hub and I could go on date nights every Saturday. She was in my village for sure - a big help!
When I first got married I was taught early on that I would need help around the house because of the hours my hub would be putting into his career. Since I had never had to hire anyone before that, I began practicing my hospitality skills on anyone who would come into my home and help me. Whether it was a plumber, a gardener, a designer, a housekeeper, a painter, handyman, a/c repair person, etc. I practiced looking them in the eyes and remembering their names. Now that I’m older, even if I have to write down the names in order to remember them, I’m not embarrassed to do so in front of them because I think it is important to address people by their names. They may be a plumber by trade but they are also “Mike” the person.
Typically, eye contact and remembering names are not considered part of hospitality. In fact, if we researched hospitality, I’m pretty sure those two acts would not be listed under the definition of hospitality. However, those are additional things that I do when I know that someone will be working for more than an hour at my house. For example, I always offer drinks, snack and/or a meal and I do these as thoughtful pinches because:
I want the people who are helping me to know how grateful I am for their help.
Selfishly, I want them to eat and get back to work quicker instead of taking the time out to find something to eat.
I don’t think many people offer food and drinks so this gesture lets them know that I am someone who empathizes that what they do is hard work. This makes the experience a little more memorable than most.
Sometimes, I have food that I don’t want to keep in my house, like treats or leftovers, and I push them onto whomever is helping me. It’s a win-win.
Sometimes I offer food because I feel weird eating my meal while they are working their butts off. If I feed them, then it is not awkward for me to eat my lunch.
Again, selfishly, I think being hospitable could reap extra work that they may not charge me for or they work harder or longer because they appreciate the gesture.
I may not tip enough with money (who carries cash these days?) but at least I will send them onto their next job (or home) with a full belly or with goodies to go. Some vendors are not allowed to accept tips so food is a good consolation prize.
I believe that if someone is hungry while they are working, they may not do their best work.
If it happens that I cook a meal (rarely, but it has happened) for someone who is helping me, I find joy because the helper is usually glad to eat whatever I make. Unlike my family. (Boo hoo!)
I believe it is much harder to do a bad job or steal from someone who treats them nicely.
Ms. Irma - she came into my life when we both needed help. My son was just born and I was running after my daughter who was barely two years old. Ms. Irma is family so it was natural for her to eat dinner with us and celebrate all of our birthdays together. Not only did she keep my house in shape, she kept me from losing my mind. She always brought me Tres Leches cakes for my birthday. If I could, I would have packed her up and brought her to Denver with us. I miss her.
Recently when the movers were unloading the truck into our new Denver home, I had asked each mover if they were comfortable with me ordering from Chick-Fil-A. Every mover was fine with it but I heard one mover ask the other movers, “Who wouldn’t be ok with it? “ One mover replied, “She’s making sure none of us are opposed to Chick-Fil-A because of the company’s views on LBGTQ.” The mover who asked said, “Now that is one nice lady to not only buy us lunch but to make sure she wasn’t offending us.” It’s funny, I never considered that nice until he said it. I am so conditioned not to offend that it has become second nature for me to ask the Chick-Fil-A question. It is as if I am asking if anyone is vegetarian or has food sensitivities - which I always check before I order food.
Help, especially nowadays, is very hard to come by. I feel fortunate when a vendor shows up, let alone for actually doing the work I need. Even though people are doing their job by fixing a problem or making my home better, I can’t help but think knowing their name and seeing them as a person and not just as an a/c repairman has to make their day a little better. Sure, I could just let them in to do their work and not even introduce them to my children or my mom when she lived with us. But why not take the time to “see them” and let them know, we know they are more than their job?
Usually lunch for my helpers is Chick-Fil-A, Jimmy Johns or pizza. On this rare occasion, I made BLTs using our garden tomatoes and the leftover bacon that I made for my son’s breakfast + tuna fish sandwiches for the painters’ lunches. When I got home from my errands, all the plates were rinsed off and in the sink and everything else was put away.
When the painters were finished with a job that could have easily taken 7 days but was done in 4 days, I said goodbye to Noay and Alex. I knew these two went above and beyond to make the deadline happen so I gave them a cash tip in addition to the lunches for those days. Noay said he was grateful for the attention. I looked at him to make sure he intended to use the word “attention” and without saying more, I knew he meant to say it. Noay has had many paint jobs before; his reputation for his good work makes him very high in demand. I think he appreciated that I always made eye contact with him, I introduced him to my kids, we served food on real plates and not paper, I suggested turning on music so that they can enjoy listening when they worked and I spoke with him, not at him. You know, attention.
Some may think it’s crazy, unnecessary or a lot of extra work to do this for people who are paid to do their job but I don’t think a pinch, like giving them lunch or a candy bar and a bottled water, is ever wasted on someone who is helping me. As long as we are all aiming for the common goal to accomplish what needs to get done, the investment in making my helpers feel important is totally worth it. The thoughtfulness will go a long way.
Pinches,
Barb
