Giving Props

We met January 1996. Started dating in February 1996. This is us in December 1997. We got married in July 2003. You do the math.

There will be a thoughtful point to this post but it may take a story or two to get us to it.

I got married later in life, I was thirty-three. I once had a career in advertising and I made three times the amount my boyfriend (before he was my hub) was making during that time. But a year or two before we got married, because of total burn out, I became a pre-school teacher. It actually cost me money to be a teacher because my income was practically nothing after my expenses. {SIDE NOTE: the Thoughtful Pinch blog exists because teachers are special people}. Coincidentally, there was a football player on the Dolphins who was supposed to get married a month before we got married. The player had asked his soon-to-be wife to sign a pre-nuptial agreement because…well, millions of dollars. She refused and they had to cancel the wedding even though the player was willing to waive it because he loved her so much. This incident brought up conversations between my fiancé and I and his mom and I. My thought was, “Of course I would sign a pre-nup! That would be no problem for me.” My MIL’s advice was not to sign one. Funny thing, my fiancé didn’t want a pre-nup so the convo was null and void. Long story short, back in 2003, before we tied the knot, I knew that my hub would be making a very good income and I believed he had every right to protect his earnings. A pre-nuptial agreement seemed very fair to me. He worked his butt off and in my view, I was coming along for the ride.

I’m sure I just offended all the Stay-at-Home spouses with that story but hang tight. My circumstance is unique because my hub works for the NFL and so when I say “ride”, I mean, there are a lot of perks of being in the NFL. Sure, there’s a price to pay - hard work, long hours with no time to get sick. However, besides being a single parent for most months in a year, I have an AMAZING set up. I can confidently say that I’m living my best life because of my hub’s career. I feel like we can apply this same formula to doctors, lawyers, celebrities, politicians, musicians etc - their spouses are exposed to a life style that is also different than most. Trips, meeting famous people, swag, special events etc. All of these perks may not have been available to me if I wasn’t with my hub.

My 30th birthday. We lived in Chicago when my boyfriend worked for Da Bears.

With that said, I never thought of my role in my family as anything above and beyond. In fact, from my view it was very basic. When the hub is not around, I take care of everything. And what I can’t do by myself, we are fortunate enough to hire someone to help me. Not to mention that I have many friends and family members that always help out as well. It’s simple and straight forward. I just put my nose to the grindstone and do what I need to do to get our family running smoothly. I don’t know too many people who wouldn’t do the exact same thing. It’s human nature; it’s not really something so inspiring or worthy of praise.

However, recently I have been receiving a lot of praise for taking care of everything while the hub worked. At first, upon receiving notes, texts, cards touting my role having something to do with my hub’s success, I brushed it off. The attention made me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t like being recognized for something that I had no choice but to do. Then, because the move was taking much longer than I expected, I started to see why people were singling out my role. Moving is hard. There are so many circumstances within a marriage that can throw anyone off balance financially, spiritually, physically or mentally and moving involves all of the above. I’ve always understood that there are times when one has to carry more than their share. With that said, remember back in 2003, when I knew that my hub was going to do well in his career? I knew that in order to do well, being gone both physically and mentally, putting in long hours for months was a must. I had a choice and I made the decision back then that I would be ok with this lifestyle. Although it has taken me years, I finally understand why one may feel offended if asked to sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

Giving props to someone, by recognizing a role that they are playing for OTHERS is a thoughtful pinch. This expression could be via a text, voicemail, email, letter, high five etc. I admit that at first I didn’t think acknowledgement was necessary. Especially if the person is supporting their spouse, because isn’t that a given? But now I know first hand that validation and praise can go a very long way. It’s very thoughtful to reach out to someone who may need to hear it even if we knew what we were signing up for.

This thoughtful pinch came via text to me right when I decided what topic I would write my post about today. She is acknowledging my role in my hub’s success. So sweet.

Weeks ago, I received a text that said, “Your support during this journey has been just the best!! You guys make a great team. “ One notecard said, “He couldn’t do what he does without you.” An email in early August said, “Barb, you've done an absolutely fantastic job successfully wearing so many hats and being wonderfully organized to boot! Don't know how you do it!” And voicemails from two friends who used the quote, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” Now when I receive a text like the one in the photo above, it doesn’t feel weird accepting the praise and acknowledgement.

As for the Dolphin player, he fell in love with someone else and married her. She is a pharmacist and they are still married. The pre-nup eighteen years ago for his first fiancé would have allowed her to collect a million dollars if they only lasted a month and subsequently more for every month after. I think it all worked out ok.

Pinches,

Barb