The List Pinch

People are either list makers or they’re not. Making a list brings peace of mind to some because when life is scattered, a list is comforting. If it’s on the list, it’s hard to forget. I always thought everyone made lists. However, I learned that some lists stress people out. To see the number of items on a list can overwhelm those who want to focus on the present moment.

And then there is me. I write lists ALL.THE.TIME. In fact, I have multiple pads of paper ready for a list at any moment. I write a list for Target, the grocery store, Xmas gifts, house tasks, kids activities etc. I’m convinced that I’m the only one who does this: If I travel, I write a list of the days that I’ll be away and the activities that I will be doing. Then I pack according to the list because I need to visually see what I’m packing for. But here’s the kicker about me and lists. Most of the time, I don’t even look at the list for weeks which means things do not get checked off.

I guess that means I have a split personality when it comes to lists. I write things down but then I don’t look at my list. The one thing I know about lists is that they can be very thoughtful as well as effective. I like to list 50 things that I love about a special 50 year old for their birthday and I love bucket lists. You know, fun lists!

Recently my hub lost his father. We expected it but then again, we didn’t. Losing someone sucks. I have written a few posts that pertain to sympathetic thoughtful pinches, what it means when we say sorry for your loss and giving tips on what to do when you want to reach out. You’d think with all this information, I would know exactly how to help my hub go thru the grieving process.

Since everyone grieves differently, I wasn’t sure what support my hub would need. All I know is that everyone eventually goes thru all Five Stages of Grief so I wanted to be ready to be there every step of the way. One thing I did while I was waiting for any sign of grief was that I created a list. The list had four headings:

• Gifts

  Bob + Jean - charcuterie board + card 

  Robert G - 10 lb. home made lasagna and choc chip cookies + card + text

  Rachel Sartin - Spoonful of Comfort : Poblano Chicken soup, rolls, cookies, tea , honey

  Reena, Anne, Allison and Frankie - orchid and flower arrangement 

  Glenda - banana bread + card + social media comment

  Bryan Harlan + Bynum - text and flowers for the burial  

• Cards

  Lola - prayed a 9 day Novena and mass included

  Jay-Jay

  Bonds

  Dingers

  Klaudette

• Texts

• Social Media Comments

Under each section, I listed all the names of the people who reached out. The list was pages long - but for the purpose of this post, I stopped at “Klaudette” under the cards category above. There were many more cards, loads of texts and plenty comments on social media. I sent the complete list to my hub on Sunday (perfect timing since it was a BYE Sunday) and he was quite amazed at how many sent him (us) their condolences. If I wrote down the name of someone that I wasn’t sure my hub would recognize - like for example, Ru Schanman - I put a note next to the name so that he could get a visual and then her name would mean more.

Ru Schanman (Bella’s Denver friend Talia’s mom)

Gathering all the names took time to go thru my emails, texts, social media and all the sympathy cards that were sent. Writing descriptions took time as well. This was time well spent because it was so good for the soul to put each name on the list. I felt so supported and blessed. To see who sent their sympathy messages, although the list was a little too organized, was appreciated by my hub. As the saying goes, “Birth, marriage and death brings people together.” This list that I made for my hub is so eclectic, people from all parts of his (our) lives was nice to see.

So again, lists can be thoughtful. They’re not just for making sure we get everything we need at Target. Keeping track of who did what when someone passes away, is an act of service (see this post, this one and this one). Offering to give the griever a list like mine is another way to be helpful. It’s a very different way to help but since most people are sad, in shock and/or preoccupied when there is a death, it will be appreciated for sure. We’re always offering to help in some way - i.e. bring food over, mow their grass, pray for them, do some grocery shopping etc. Next time, consider making a list for them instead. You will get so much out of doing this for others. What a gift!

Pinches,

Barb