PERMA*
I have to admit, I downloaded the book Flourish on Audible because I wanted to know what my daughter was studying over the summer (she gets 1/2 a credit for school). I thought if I learned what the book was about, we could have something to talk about. When I read the title of the book Flourish, I figured that I could only benefit from this information and there was no down side to reading (listening) to it. So I used one of my Audible credits to get the audio version and when I got in the car for the 13 hour drive from Denver to Minneapolis, I chose to listen to Flourish out of the four books that I had in my cue.
The book Flourish was written by Martin Seligman, who has so many credits, titles and acronyms after his name I won’t even try to list them all. In fact, even though the title of this post is PERMA* - which is an acronym that Seligman invented in 2012 and his theory has been “flourishing” ever since - I am not going to get into specific detail about the many studies and scientific support that validates his discovery. For that, please read the book and then Google it. His theory has changed many lives for many years. However, I will enclose an excerpt from Postivepsychology.com that informs us what the acronym PERMA stands for.
Positive emotion
Engagement
Relationships
Meaning
Accomplishments
Obviously the article on the website goes into detail about each element of PERMA. So I thought instead of repeating great work, I would incorporate how thoughtfulness plays a role in his theory and share how Seligman’s information changed my views on happiness and opened my mind up to well-being.
I believe that timing is everything (ironically, I’m notorious for being late). Listening to this book while on my long drive from Denver to Mpls was no coincidence; I needed to hear this information. I had been struggling with something so completely odd and isolating that the only person I have shared my thoughts with was our financial advisor. Roly (not his real name) is not only our advisor but he is also our friend so it’s not too far out in left field that I turned to him. He has always hit the nail on the head when it came to my feelings regarding money and so I thought he may be able to put into words what I had been feeling. Anyway, I wasn’t feeling happy even though I had every reason to be happy. Seligman tells us that happiness is not the absence of sadness and his scientific explanation of the purpose of anti-depressants made me have a mind shift. We cannot rely on taking away sadness or depression in order to be happy. Rather, we must rely on the combination of PERMA* for our well-being.
Unfortunately, I realized that after I started writing this post, PERMA is a topic way too vast to put into 5 minutes or less reading material. Nevertheless, what I want to impart can be inserted right here without going down the rabbit hole of why positive psychology works and why the pursuit of happiness is really getting to the point of well-being. So here we go!
Thoughtfulness is rooted in each element of PERMA.
P - Having POSITIVE EMOTIONS sounds misleading. It doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to get mad, sad or afraid. In fact, positive emotions include those emotions because we endured them in order to see the positive effect on the other end. In my view, it takes a thoughtful person to see the beauty in the country coming together whenever there is natural disaster. I must say, one can only come to that conclusion if the other elements of PERMA are strongly present.
E - ENGAGEMENT is thoughtful in so many ways but I’m going to touch upon the disconnect that our cell phones gives us rather than MORE connection. Our phones actually disengage us from the people who are right in front of us. Engaging in the “here and now” is the best thoughtful pinch that we can give ourselves as well as those we care about. Whether that engagement is in the conversation we’re having or in the painting we are creating - to be in the moment - to feel engaged - this element is vital for our well-being.
R - Being thoughtful in our RELATIONSHIPS takes a lot of work. Even if the relationship is with an acquaintance or family. We are mindful to be polite with acquaintances but we feel being rude to family is acceptable, because family should be there for us no matter what. The easiest relationship to maintain is with our best friends. They know us more than we know ourselves. Being thoughtful for them is natural and easy.
M - Finding MEANING, in my opinion, runs the gamut from being easy for those who have a strong faith or it could take longer for those of us who listen to everyone. The pursuit of happiness usually goes hand in hand with those looking for meaning in their life. Being thoughtful enough to discern our strengths will usually guide us to the meaning in our life.
A -Being thoughtful has a big part in our achievements and ACCOMPLISHMENTS. We think of others when we turn down promotions because it would mean moving and we don’t want to leave our friends and family. We think of others when we sign up to run a marathon because the burden of raising the kids while training for it, falls on the the spouse. Being thoughtful for others could also mean working long hours in order to get promotions so that they can take care of others.
You’re probably wondering why I used the photo of Arabella + Emma’s cupcakes for my featured blog photo and now this picture of a tray of snacks. I get happy when I see food. Some may say food makes me happy. But in learning about PERMA and what happiness is all about, I now know that it is not really the food that gets me excited or happy. It’s the people whom I am sharing it with. Food is food. But spending time with besties and their families - that is nourishing our relationships. We are feeding our souls by engaging with each other. It makes so much more sense now. Positive emotions, engagement and relationships. Trifecta towards my well-being.
Most people think in order to be happy, accomplishments are the only contributing factor but Seligman thinks all elements of his acronym are necessary in order for one to flourish. Happiness and well-being are the byproducts of flourishing. I think Dr. Martin Seligman was very thoughtful in not only narrowing down specific elements that are necessary for one to flourish but also thoughtful in creating ways for measuring unhappiness and catching depression therefore saving lives. Implementing programs for the Army and young students to learn how to become resilient so that they can pass this knowledge on is very thoughtful; his theory was not just a concept but an applied science. What a contribution to society! Things, accomplishments, the happy face emoji - these don’t represent happiness. In learning about PERMA, I feel as if thoughtfulness can insulate us in the state of well-being and then we can flourish even more.
Pinches,
Barb
