National Thank You Note Day!
Well this national day is going to be tough to write about since I don’t know anything about thank you notes. Kidding!! Are we talking about the national day designated every year for Thank You Notes and is celebrated the day after Christmas? If so, that is right up my alley. Although I was tempted to write a post giving High-Fives to those who already write thank you notes or to guilt people into writing them if they don’t, this post is about neither. Instead, I’m writing about this national day for those who are so overly grateful that the task to write thank you notes is overwhelming. And I’m not talking about overwhelming because it’s another “To Do” item added to an already full list.
Being overly grateful is a thing (and if it isn’t, I’m making it a thing by writing this post). In my observation, those who are overly grateful tend to be people who are emotional - expressing emotions outwardly and regularly. Obviously everyone has emotions but the vulnerability occurs when we express them. Because of that, being emotional is both a strength and a weakness. The inability to write thank you notes because we are overly grateful is not a weakness; it’s a strength. Don’t be embarrassed about it; own it! Be proud that you have so much gratitude that you don’t know what to do with it. I’m sharing these two stories in hopes that some will identify with or relate to them.
Story #1. My friend Christy shared with me that she was so grateful for a thoughtful pinch that I gave her that she went to the store to look for a card to say thank you. After spending time looking thru all the cards, she found a card that fit her sentiments perfectly. She already knew what she would write in the card. All she needed was a moment to sit still and write from her heart. A week went by, then another and she was getting embarrassed because she really wanted to make sure to let me know that she was so grateful. Meanwhile, I’m oblivious to all this. Months later, she confessed to me that she got so overwhelmed with how much time went by that she couldn’t figure out how to make up for loss time. According to Christy, this is not the first time she has done this. She has a box full of these perfect cards picked out specifically for certain friends, for certain occasions. The box is full because she has abandoned the mission many times. She believes the sentiment of each card and the momentum of the occasion is lost because too much time has passed.
Story #2. Recently another friend told me that she has kept me in mind each time I gave her a thoughtful pinch. My initial thought was that it was sweet of her to feel this way. Since I gave her these little gifts, she really wanted to say thank you in a big way because she was so grateful that I thought of her. I saw in her eyes that this was not just a one time deal. At times she feels so grateful when someone does something for her or gives her something but she gets overwhelmed with wanting to let them know her feelings. She mentioned that her thirteen year old daughter just whips out thank you cards as if it is no big deal. The cards may not be as detailed or as personal as my friend would have written. Nevertheless, the cards do show gratitude and therefore her daughter’s goal is accomplished. My friend wished it could be that easy for her but it’s not.
Both stories illustrate sweet and thoughtful reasons for not sending a thank you note. It’s endearing. But for a person who feels guilty because they are grateful yet they can’t express it in a note, this can be frustrating. It’s one thing not to write a thank you note because we’re busy or we forget or we are entitled or we’re not appreciative or we don’t know how to write one. But the inability to write a thank you card because we want to express our gratitude on such a grand scale, that we end up not writing one at all because we are overly grateful, is a thing. It’s like a perfectionist who doesn’t even try to do something because they know they won’t live up to the expectations. The reason why writing a thank you card is hard for both of my friends in the stories above is because they put their minds, emotions and hearts into their expressions of gratitude. Therefore, what may not be a big deal to the giver (they don’t expect a thank you card), it is actually a very big deal for the overly grateful receiver. It’s bothersome like a hang nail that bugs us until we take care of it. The longer it doesn’t get taken care of the worse it feels.
So when we are celebrating National Thank You Note Day on December 26th, let’s think about how we can support those who want to write cards but just can’t.
Suggested Strategies:
The Journal Writer - If you currently have a practice of journaling, write the date and how you felt in the journal when you received the gift or when someone did something nice for you. Later, when you’re ready to write a thank you note to that person, reading thru your journal will revive the feelings. Writing the note would ideally be like cutting and pasting from the journal to the card.
The Cell Phone User - Since we carry our phones like it’s our body’s appendage, use the Voice Memo feature (iPhone) to verbally capture your emotions of how you feel receiving the gift or gesture. Label the memo with the date (and/or the giver’s name). When you’re ready to write the note, play it back and listen to it while you write. It’s like dictation.
The Small Step Taker - Start with only writing the mailing address and your return address on the envelope. Don’t even write in the card yet. Put a sticky note inside the card with some words or adjectives that will remind you what you liked or how you felt receiving the gift. Give it some time to marinate. Maybe the next week, you put the stamp on the envelope. The cool thing about small steps is that it leads to a giant task getting done. Sooner or later, the time will come to write a note and the semantics of how it will get to the person is already taken care of. Sometimes that little bit is the deal breaker.
The Permission Seeker - Abandon the two-week rule for thank you notes that has been ingrained in so many of us. Times have changed; it is never too late to say thank you. Send a card anytime you feel like it. And BTW, a card is plenty. Just because you may be so grateful, overly grateful, it doesn’t mean your thank you has to be a billboard with blinking lights. A note will do. It could be 2 words, it could be 2 sentences. If it’s from your heart, it will be more than enough.
The Busy Bee - If you don’t have time to put your heart and soul into the card, it’s ok to be generically grateful in a card. For example: “Thank you for the gift.” Once you have written those words, either your pen will keep writing because it will become possessed or it won’t. Because you’re overly grateful you may freeze and want to do so much more than a card. At that point, seal up the card and mail it as is. Since the “job” is technically done, the weight is off your shoulders. The next time you see, text or call the giver, that “obligation” is not hanging over your head. You’ll be able to verbally tell them or text/email them why, what, how you felt grateful for the gift or gesture.
The One Upper - When the giver gives us something or does something nice or helpful for us, they are doing so from their heart. The person who is overly grateful appreciates the simplicity of that so much more than the next guy. Remember this: It was a simple gesture because it came naturally to them. By wanting to thank them on a grand scale is along the same lines as “One-Upping” someone. This is not a competition. I learned this because my neighbors are so helpful and wonderful. I would try very hard to over-thank them because I was just very grateful and I wanted them to know. Soon enough I came to the realization that I was pretty much trying to One Up them. Not cool. Expressing my gratitude verbally and via thank you notes works well.
For Story #2, my friend, in order to “make up” for the times that she didn’t send me a thank you card, went above and beyond with her gratitude. Homemade gingerbread men with hot coco bombs (which were not easy to find - she went to multiple stores for days) and Nutcracker napkins. It was a big thoughtful pinch! She got bonus thoughtfulness points because she included a set for my mom who lives with us. See photo above.
According to Nationaldaycalendar.com, National Thank You Card Day is about giving thanks for the gifts that we have received over the holidays. My tips on how to celebrate this day are: 1. Go shopping to buy a bunch of thank you cards. {The Dollar Tree (8 cards for $1) or Michael’s (6-8 cards for $1 - usually found by the check out line)}. I like stocking up on these inexpensive cards because I’m more likely to take risks in showing my gratitude. However, if I mess up, it is only a loss of a few cents. Besides, it’s great to have a lot of thank you cards on hand. 2. If you’ve written down “who gave what” after opening each holiday gift -it will make it easier to start writing cards. 3. It’s important to keep in mind that this national day is about having good intentions to write thank you notes. Don’t get bogged down about it. If you only manage to write one thank you card and don’t even have the energy to address and put a stamp on the envelope, it’s ok. And lastly 4. Now that I have created awareness of overly grateful people, if you identify with it, have a mind shift. Instead of feeling bad about it, be proud that you have too much gratitude. It’s a good problem to have!
Pinches,
Barb
