Sorry, Not Sorry
Photo credit: Bethany Meister - Photographer
In my book, there are two sets of people that should be completely excused from sending thank you cards after they receive gifts. The first set, is any woman that just gave birth or adopted a baby or child. I don't care if it's her 10th child, no woman who has a new child should have to write a formal thank card for a baby gift. Ain't nobody got time for that. The second set of people who shouldn't be expected to write thank you cards are the ones who have lost a loved one. No further explanation necessary. With that said, there are some of us that use card-writing as a way to cope or process these life changing events. In that case, if you ever receive a thank you card from a new mom or someone who just lost a loved one, consider that as part of their process. Otherwise, please don’t expect a thank you card from them or expect them to be sorry about not sending one.
Speaking of thank you cards, I hosted a party over a month ago and even though the invite said, “In lieu of gifts, please bring $10”, friends still brought birthday thoughtful pinches . I started writing my thank you cards last week. Instead of apologizing, I am owning my lateness. It matters to me that the messages in the cards are mindful and heartfelt, regardless of when the cards are received. As the saying goes, “Better late than never.” Even though I knew that the cards were going to be late, I also knew that they weren’t going to be generic. We ordered Thoughtful Pinch stationery and I focused on writing from the heart. One thing is for sure - I wasn’t going to say sorry for being late. Here’s why: I just told all my friends about all my ideas, plans and dreams to take my business to the next level. I’m pretty sure that these same friends would understand that in order to do all that, my thank you cards were going to take a backseat. If I apologized to every person for my tardiness, I would:
Be apologizing for trying to get my business off the ground.
Be apologizing for being a daughter, mother and a wife.
Be responsible for keeping the bar too high because the expectations to do it all is a never-ending challenge that needs to stop.
I don’t want to apologize for any of the above and the beauty is - no one expects an apology - because who wants to read a note about me being sorry?
Either my friends missed the note on the invite that said “In lieu of gifts” or they are total rebels. Regardless, I had over fifty thank you cards to write. Blessed. Spoiled. Thankful. Late.
In this day and age, do I think thank you cards are necessary? Yes. Do I think texts, phone calls and emails are enough so it’s ok to skip the cards? Yes and no. Some may think writing thank you cards are a big chore - so no one should EVER have to do something out of pure obligation. But if you want a different perspective, try thinking of thank you cards as opportunities for connection. Writing on a physical card is another way to reach out to someone with a message written in your own handwriting and being delivered for someone to enjoy.
I had a choice to apologize for writing late thank you cards. But in this situation, I wasn’t going to be sorry for being busy. Here’s why: It is because of the honest feedback that I received from my friends at my party that things have changed, priorities have shifted and some things have taken a back seat. Within the month since my party, I’ve had many meetings, hired lawyers to form my LLC, got trademarked and I’m moving forward. Soon I will be rolling out my products and my friends will be proud of me. They won’t wonder how I did it. They’ll know. I took a month to write my thank you notes because I was busy. Would Emily Post think I am selfish and maybe even classless? Probably. But there are priorities that exist now, that never existed in her time. I’m a real person and I live in the real world. For me, the answer is yes to thank you cards, regardless of how late you send them. And for the new mom or the one who lost a loved one, thank you cards are a no. In the words of Demi Lovato, “Baby, I’m sorry, not sorry!”
Pinches,
Barb
