Middle Names
The only person who calls me Barbara Joyce is my cousin Jay-Jay. And when she calls me that, it’s not really meant to be endearing, it’s meant to be like, “Girl, what are you doing?” Y’all, it must be a southern thing when someone addresses another by using both their first and middle names. Even though I’m over fifty, when Jay-Jay calls me Barbara Joyce, I feel like I’ve got some explaining to do!
Jay-Jay (in front) refused to call me Bobbie because it was boy’s name. Barbara Joyce was far from being a boy, see my purse and checkered peacoat?
The story is that my parents had five names that they liked when they were choosing a name for me. They wrote each name on a separate slip of paper and drew two names out of a hat. The first name drawn was Barbara. It was my parents’ formal version of the name Bobbie because they wanted to name me after Bobbie Gentry, the singer - even though Bobbie’s formal name is Roberta. The second name they drew out of the hat was Joyce. That’s how I became Barbara Joyce. It very well could have been the other way around but I am so glad it ended up the way it did.
In faint writing above in pen, it says Bobbie & Jay-Jay New Year 1970. Jay-Jay is a nickname for Katherine Jane. Jane translates to “God is gracious.”
Growing up I did not like my middle name at all. In fact, it wasn’t until my late twenties that I could even say my middle name nicely. I remember the first time I was happy to share my middle name. I was hanging out with Hailey, the girlfriend of my hub’s brother, and she told me her middle name was Joy. And I was like, “Hey my middle name is Joyce!” Hailey is such a lovely person so when she said her middle name was Joy, I started to think having Joyce as a middle name wasn’t that bad at all. Being Virgos, dating brothers and having Joy in our names were our common connections. Then we married our guys and we became sister-in-laws.
Shortly after having my daughter, I learned (from somewhere) that middle names are usually more in line with a person’s personality. This theory sort of makes sense. Back in the day, first names were usually given in honor of someone in the family and the last name was non-negotiable; it was the family name. To be given a middle name was a way to decipher who was who within a family especially if there were multiple people with the same first and last name. I think middle names had to be a necessity at some point. It was the middle name that made them unique. Therefore, it’s understandable as to why someone’s personality aligned with their middle name. In my own observations, very unofficial and not supported with data, I have found that both of my kids’ middles names are more reflective of the people they are today more so than their first names. Wikipedia says Barbara “is the feminine form of the Greek word barbaros (Greek: βάρβαρος) meaning "strange" or "foreign", from which the current term barbarian is also derived.” I am very relieved that Barbara is not my middle name because I am already strange. If this theory holds true and my middle name was Barbara then I could have been even stranger!
I call her my butterfly. I am envious of her free spirit.
My daughter’s middle name is Francesca. I insisted that my first born’s name would have some derivative of Frank or Francisco in honor of my dad who passed away six and half years before she was born. That was my only motive for giving her that middle name; I didn’t even know about the middle name theory until after she was born. Recently, when filling out an application for a new high school, I was asked to write (in 1000 characters or less) about my daughter and what, as a parent, I hoped for. This is what I wrote:
“Bella’s middle name, Francesca, translates to English as “free”. Beginning at 9 months old, she would listen intently as I read Charlotte’s Web. It was no surprise that she became an avid reader because she was “free” to explore new worlds. Teachers love to call on Bella because her answers are “free form”, not regurgitated. When asked to be on the ski team or to compete in swimming, she is not interested because competition is not what drives her. The feeling of being “free” to enjoy the sport is what she enjoys most. We are proud of her combination of being “free” + intelligent + athletic because it is rare.
Our hopes and fears are not much different from most parents. The herd mentality - if everyone is doing something, then of course her “free” spirit will follow. Therefore, it is important for us to partner with a school in “raising” well-rounded and well-balanced children in ALL areas of life. This partnership will allow Bella to make educated choices when opportunities arise. “
This kid is tough but has a soft spot for the weak. I am so proud of his “defender” personality.
My son’s middle name is Alexander. The name was given to him in honor his paternal Great-Grandfather, Grandfather and Uncle John. I wrote the following about my son for a different school’s application; they asked parents to describe what makes our child different:
“Beau’s middle name is Alexander, which derives from Latin (currently his favorite subject) and Greek - meaning “defender of man.” Although he is competitive, wanting to win at any sporting event that he is involved in, we also know for sure that Beau stands up for the underdog. He is a serious kid who knows that he is Asian, Catholic, athletic and along with having a math brain he also has learning differences. From a young age, he has always been very aware of his strengths and weaknesses. “
Growing up, for many generations, we knew that if our parents used our full name after we did something we weren’t supposed to, it meant that we were in trouble. Since I loved both names of my children and I wanted them to love their names too, I chose NOT to follow this tradition. I have avoided saying their full name in a negative way all these years and I hope they appreciate the positive association of their full name. With that said, I am not judging others who use this tactic because generations of using someone’s full name obviously works!
As a baby, I didn’t have control over choosing my own middle name however, when I got married I had the power. So I officially changed my middle name from Joyce to Pellicer, which is my maiden last name. Changing my middle name was not a rebellious move. I changed it only because I love my last name and didn’t want to lose it when I got married. Hyphenating my last name was not appealing to me. Barbara Joyce Pellicer-Paton didn’t feel right. Instead, I made room for Pellicer by taking Joyce out of the official name. I have to tell you: Almost eighteen years later, I really miss Joyce.
July 12, 2003 - Barb Pellicer Paton walking down the aisle with the hub.
Here’s why. In gathering feedback about Thoughtful Pinch, I learned that followers feel pressure when they see all the posts about thoughtful pinches. In other words, people strive to be thoughtful but seeing my posts added another “to do” to their already full docket. Oh no! I had no intention to add more to someone’s list! I’m the Type -A who never relaxes. Adding to someone’s “to do” list is the LAST thing I wanted to do. I sat on this feedback for a very long time. How could I explain to people that all I want to do was give ideas for ways to be thoughtful by giving gifts to celebrate little occasions? Months later, it hit me. I am not trying to convince people that they should do thoughtful things. My real goal is to show the joy I feel when I do thoughtful things. If someone doesn’t have time to find joy or be joyful, that’s perfectly ok. But when they are ready, Thoughtful Pinch is here to help. I have wanted to convey this to others for years but I didn’t really know what I was “selling”. Thru a bunch of signs and gut-feeling checks, I realized why I get so excited about being thoughtful: it brings me joy. It sounds simple and maybe even a little on the “high on life” side. That’s ok. It’s a basic concept. We feel joy when we think of others. The more we think of others, the more joy we feel.
According to Wikipedia, “The name Joyce is a contemporary given-name used for females and rarely used for males. As a family-name, it derived from the Old French Masculine name Josse, which derived from the Latin name Iudocus, the Latinized form of the Breton name Judoc meaning "lord". The name became rare after the 14th century, but later revived as a female given-name, which derived from the Middle English joise meaning "rejoice".[1][better source needed]”. The spiritual or biblical meaning is “ Cheerful, joyous, merry.” Aha! This is me. I kinda like the sound of that - a lord - {a leader} of cheer. A cheerleader. Hmmmmm….
I can’t really compare myself to Justin Timberlake but just like JT bringing sexy back, I’m bringing Joy(ce) back. Stay tuned.
Pinches,
Barb
