Opposite of Thoughtful
For years my friend Christy and I would laugh about doing things that were the opposite of being thoughtful. We would chat about people who didn’t care about others - wouldn’t it be so liberating to only think about ourselves? Whenever we shared stories that included someone being selfish we would say, “Let’s put that on the Un-thoughtful List.”
Flash forward to the beginning of the Covid Stay-At-Home order. Christy and I would exchange texts about things that people could complain about during this pandemic, adding to the Un-thoughtful List. We made each other laugh so hard with the following:
The Co-op only has unsalted Donkey chips.
We’re out of Kombucha, now what?
My organic dog food is sold out everywhere.
There isn’t an emoji that captures how I am feeling about this pandemic.
No one will see my new Canada Goose jacket since we all have to stay home.
I’m running low on my 18 year aged balsamic vinegar and all I have left is fig flavored.
There are no cherry tomatoes for my avocado toast.
Using the self check out lane at the grocery store takes forever because they have to wipe it down after each use.
I need a massage because I’m carrying a lot of stress from this pandemic but there’s no where to go!
I’ve purged my closet but Good Will isn’t even open to accept my donations so now my garage is a total mess.
The local restaurants are closed even to locals!
When I looked up the antonym for thoughtful this is what I found in the Thesaurus: self-centered, vacant, inconsiderate and superficial. Yuck! It’s a good thing I am NONE of the above. I’m kidding! People, we are all of those adjectives at some point in our lives. Fortunately for most, it’s pretty hard to be the opposite of thoughtful for long periods of time. There are times that we just don’t feel like being thoughtful. It doesn’t mean that we purposely aim to be self-centered, vacant, inconsiderate and superficial. Sometimes we just want to binge watch Ozark and not think about anyone.
This is a quote that I posted a few months ago. Maybe it’s time to rephrase it. Apparently there are ways to be un-thoughtful. However, for argument sake, if one thinks of oneself, technically this statement still rings true.
Most of us would think of The Grinch or Ebenezer Scrooge when we learn what the opposite of thoughtful is. But what if I were to tell you about a recent time in my life (October 2020) when I could be described using all of the adjectives above because I attended my cousin’s wedding in Atlanta? It may seem innocent enough, but dig deeper:
Self-Centered - During Covid, I was very honored to “make the cut” and be a guest at my cousin’s wedding. Especially because I knew the wedding was going to be very small. Let me tell you about how self-centered I was; only thinking about myself. a) Instead of staying home to help prevent the spread of the virus, I went to the wedding anyway. Nothing was going to stop me from flying out of state and attending my cousin’s wedding. Not even a pandemic. b) In the name of self-care, I went to the wedding because I also wanted and needed time with my Pellicer cousins. Whenever we get together, I feel grounded and supported. c) I felt entitled for a getaway because I had stayed within the metro area since February 1, 2020. Never left my home for more than a few hours. I deserved this trip! Shedding light on this, one can deduct that this wedding was not just about the wedding couple. It turns out, going to this wedding was a lot about me. I have to add, that I stopped at nothing to leave town. I arranged for my 8 month old puppy to stay 3 nights at a kennel because although he was my responsibility, I wanted to be at this wedding. My puppy had anxiety for 2 weeks after that.
Vacant - Even though this was a 40 person maximum wedding, there were many family members of both the bride and the groom that I didn’t know at all. Instead of getting to know the other guests, I stuck to who I wanted to be around. I didn’t even introduce myself to more than a person or two. Even at the brunch the following day, I just stayed close to my peeps. If I were shy and/or an introvert, that would be completely acceptable, but I’m neither. I was just vacant, no thoughtfulness to reach out. The thought to get to know the special people in the newlywed’s life didn’t cross my mind.
Inconsiderate - I drank more than I should have at this wedding. So much so that I passed out on a couch. At a 40-person wedding, this behavior was witnessed by every single guest and server. Not very considerate to lose control at a special, intimate wedding. Background story, I was very tired prior to drinking many glasses of champagne and red wine so the combination resulted in taking a nap during the reception. There is no excuse; I’m fifty-one and I know better than to drink when I’m tired.
Superficial - I found myself very interested in all the tangible details of this wedding. Making mental notes and catching as much as I could regarding all the thoughtfulness put into the wedding and reception. I was so impressed that I wrote this blog about it. However, why did I solely care so much about all the trimmings, thoughtful pinches and special effects? Why didn’t I care enough about the union of families that surrounded this happy couple?
Anyway, not very Grinch-like or even similar to Scrooge but I could really paint an awful picture of myself when I break things down this way. This was just one event. I can choose to see all the self-centered, vacant, inconsiderate and superficial ways that I live every day. But the point is, when I see myself as a whole person, I discover that I am more good than I am opposite of good. It always goes back to awareness; it’s key to recognize our behaviors and adjust accordingly. This self-examination exercise showed me that I’m far from being “holier than thou.” In fact, being a blogger about thoughtfulness could mean that pointing out times of un-thoughtfulness is really healthy. Sometimes, I am the opposite of thoughtful. And that’s ok.
Pinches,
Barb
