Apr 30

Apr 30 I Don't Want To Be A Poser

When you’re in high school, everything you wear (or don’t wear) says something about you. Where I come from, we used the word “poser” whenever someone wore something or acted like someone they were not. For example, the surfers in our high school wore clothes from OP and Rip Curl because they actually surfed in the Pacific Ocean and took some rip curls. Therefore, if some kid wore clothes with a surfer label but didn’t surf, we would call them a poser. We would do the same for anyone acting like/wearing clothes for Mod, Heavy Metal, Jock, Preppy, etc. I am ashamed to admit it, but it’s true - I was someone who would point out the posers. Here’s my best 1980’s high school accent: “It like totally sucks that I like did that. Gag me.” Currently, this “poser calling out” behavior still happens in middle and high schools nationwide. Although, nowadays they probably don’t use the word poser and the high school accent would be more like, “Literally, I can’t literally believe that I literally did that.”

Folks, this way of thinking is still so engrained in my brain, that even today, I feel strongly about NOT wearing apparel associated with a surf company until I am at least taking surf lessons! It’s the same way I feel about work out clothes. If I worked out and walked around the whole day wearing my work out clothes, it’s like a badge of honor; I earned the right to do so. But if I’m wearing yoga pants just because they are comfy and not even a downward dog was going to happen that day, then I’m a yogi poser. Now, if you’re reading this and taking this personally, please don’t. I am not judging you. I honestly can care less if someone chooses to do those things because it doesn’t effect me one bit. It’s how I choose to live and you just do “you”. As the saying goes, “Stay in your lane, Bro.”

With that said, I started writing this blog to help others assemble their own Thoughtful Pinches. The intention was to write about the many opportunities that we can show thoughtfulness. I wanted to empower others to give pinches. However, the blog ended up evolving from gifts to many topics that fall under the thoughtfulness category. Thoughtfulness is so vast that I can’t possibly cover the whole topic in my lifetime! It was thru the act of writing my posts, that I discovered I wanted every aspect in my life, to be thoughtful. I do not want to write about being thoughtful and then turn around and act like a tyrant. Similar to those who go to church every day but right after mass, they’re the first to flip off the person who wants to cut in as they leave the church parking lot. Being a thoughtful poser went against everything that I’ve learned.

So I sat down and wrote a list of things that stood in my way of FULLY living the life that I write about. One of the key deterrents was hanging onto anger. I made my 2019 New Year’s Resolution “to forgive”. I am happy to report that I have forgiven all who were on my list - which means that my New Year’s Resolution is officially resolved. Yay me! But I was gently reminded the other day, by the best Restorative Yoga Guru that I know, that we are in a constant state of forgiving. We are always forgiving our family, friends, ourselves, the person who cuts in line when leaving the church parking lot etc. In other words, I am not really done with forgiving but at least these days, I am not tightly holding onto anger. Another dead weight holding me down was “stirring the pot”. Again, I have worked hard on this and it feels good, as of recently, to no longer wear the Pot Stirrer crown in the family. And the final item on my obstruction checklist was not being sensitive to my family’s needs. Many people say, “Family comes first. “ Well, sh*t, I needed to walk the walk! I realized that although it is a great mission to spread thoughtfulness to as many people as I can reach, ignoring the needs of my immediate family would make me a poser family member.

Something had to change because I ain’t no poser! I knew it was necessary for each member in my family to feel loved, safe and heard. These are things that any thoughtful person would want within their home and even though they are basic needs, it took some time to establish and re-establish. Like a foundation for a house, we need to get it right before building the rest of it. I stopped being a poser mom and I got to work! Throughout the development of the Thoughtful Pinch app (coming May 2019), I have simultaneously worked on some important “ground work” within my family. This ground work sucks because it’s messy and it’s constant but the effort will always be worth it.

As usual, I have arrived at the end of my post with some new self-awareness. Yay me! Although I am still very ashamed that I was part of the high school expose the poser days, I am pretty grateful that the experience had left me with my own poser radar. Without this radar, I’m not sure if I would continue to work hard on being thoughtful in all the areas of my life. I could live like a “Wanna Be” but I think eventually the premise of Thoughtful Pinch would run out. I think I’ll just stick to what I know - when I pose as someone else, I miss the opportunity to grow to my fullest potential.

Pinches,

Barb