Just a couple of weeks ago, on MLK Jr. Day, I got a call from Ms. Ruth, our piano teacher. She told me that she had about 3-4 weeks to live because she was dying from ovarian cancer. I could sense that she had more calls to make because she didn’t give me much time to get over the shock. She offered up three options: 1. I tell the kids that she’s dying, 2. She could tell the kids or 3. We don’t tell the kids and she just rides off into the sunset. I chose to tell the kids and they decided that they wanted to see her before she died.

I don’t schedule doctor or dentist appointments during school hours because I don’t like to disrupt the school day but I decided to pull both kids out of school to go see Ms. Ruth. She had checked out of the hospital a couple of days after we spoke and was home with hospice care. When we came for our visit and she saw the kids, her face lit up. She was excited for a chance to say what she thought of them and she shared how much she loved teaching them. I was impressed by her humor and by how much energy she had when she spoke to them.

During our visit, I pulled out my laptop and began showing Ms. Ruth a video. I had gathered the video footage from all of my kids’ recitals and with a lot of help from my friend, I compiled them into one long 55 minute video. I decided to bring the laptop because I thought it would be nice for her to watch some of the video with my kids. I had already put a copy of the video onto a USB so that we could leave it behind as our thoughtful pinch.

The laptop presentation began with the first recital that my daughter played in and the smiles were precious! Ms. Ruth stayed focused watching the video even though the room was full of visitors and her nurse came for her appointment. When that first video was finished, Ms. Ruth asked to watch one more. I was so glad that I brought the laptop because it gave me an opportunity to watch her watch herself. I don’t know if anyone else shared their child(ren)’s recital videos with Ms. Ruth before but I do know one thing: on that day, I knew she loved watching them play the piano - even if it was in a video.

My kids played in at least ten recitals - which worked out to approximately two recitals per year. One recital was either for Halloween (her favorite holiday) or had a Christmas theme while the other recital was always in the Spring. At these recita… — My kids played in at least ten recitals - which worked out to approximately two recitals per year. One recital was either for Halloween (her favorite holiday) or had a Christmas theme while the other recital was always in the Spring. At these recitals, Ms. Ruth, in her signature way, would tell the families of all the students at the recital how much she admires her students. It’s the best part of the entire recital. I mean, the performance is always wonderful to see and listen to, but as a parent, we all walked out of the recital venue feeling like our kid was highly regarded and very well-thought of by their piano teacher.

The visit had to end because the nurse needed to see Ms. Ruth. When we were leaving, her son thanked me for making the video. He said he had never watched any of her recitals so he looked forward to watching them with her later. I had known all along that I wasn’t only making the video for Ms. Ruth; I was making the video for her son and her sister - the two closest people in her life. They could watch the video whenever they missed her or needed to see what brought her joy or wanted to hear her voice or most of all, when they needed confirmation that Ms. Ruth touched the lives of many kids with her gift of music. She loved all of her students. She had prizes, composer cards, stickers, notebooks, birthday cupcakes and she gave out goodie bags at each recital - not only for her students but for their siblings too. She never wanted any child to feel left out.

Last Thursday, on the way to school, my kids made a little video for Ms. Ruth. They let her know that they were checking in, they were thinking of her and they hoped that she would have a good day. My son of course added, “Hope you feel better soon!”. She died that night. I don’t know if she ever got to see that video but I do hope that she had time to watch the 55 minute video before she died. I hope that she was able to see for herself, that her students improved and grew because of the time and effort that she put into each of them. I hope that before she left us, she was reassured that she made an impact on our lives.

Ms. Ruth was a deep thinker and at times, over-thought situations (we had this in common!). She never wanted to be a burden on anyone and in fact, after she read my blog entitled Cursed, she asked me not to give her anymore thoughtful pinches because she didn’t want me to feel obligated to give her anything, she didn’t want me to HAVE TO do anything for her but most importantly, she didn’t want to be just another person on my list of recipients. I have a feeling, Ms. Ruth left us earlier than expected because she really didn’t want anyone, especially her son and sister, to make a fuss over her. She wanted to ride off into the sunset without feeling like a burden.

Thank you for the talent, patience and love for your students Ms. Ruth. You will be missed.

Pinches,

Barb