When I was a pre-school teacher I observed another teacher (who was barely 21 years old) as she taught our students manners. She gave cues to the kids whenever manners were needed and she explained to me that she didn’t want the kids to perform manners. In other words, she didn’t want the kids growing up thinking they needed to act - she wanted them to know why they were using manners. It made sense to me. So before I had kids I promised myself that I wasn’t going to teach my kids common courtesies by saying, “Can you say, ‘Yes please.’ ?“ whenever the cashier at a store would ask if they wanted a sticker or a lollipop. Think about it, we are actually insulting their intelligence by asking that. Of course they can say those words! Sometimes I would physically cringe when I would hear, “What do we say when someone does something nice for us?”. I imagined a monkey on the shoulder of a street performer doing tricks.