My son was extremely mad at me tonight because I took him to hockey practice. Apparently the talks in the car on the way to school this morning or after football didn’t sink in. Fortunately for me, when I picked up my son and his teammate after hockey, all was good again.

Here’s the back story :

1. Last Thursday my son jammed his finger on his dominant hand into the helmet of a player who was covering him as he tried to catch a pass in practice. The doctor declared it “heavily sprained” and put a modern day splint on it. This Friday she will look it over to see if he will be ok to pay sports this weekend. My son is on two football teams - one for middle school and one for an association. Plus he is on a hockey team. When we decided to do all three of these extra-curricular activities, I broke it down for my son. Some days he would have three teams to play for and some days he would have one. For approximately eight weeks, his schedule would be tough but manageable. At least one day a week, he would have to do all three activities after school. But most of the days it would be two.

2. We joined this hockey team at the very end of August and my son has yet to go to all the practices and games in a given week. In our defense, the hockey coach knew prior to committing to his team, that football came first and he gave us the ok to play multiple sports. The football season is short, it ends by November. The hockey season is long -it ends in March. Coach is patiently waiting for football to be over.

3. When we’re the new kid on the team, no one knows our work ethic or how much we value the opportunity to get better via practices. In our house, we don’t take practices lightly and we respect the coaches’ time and effort they put into the practices. Missing any practices is discussed and we make a decision as a family.

So back to the talks during the car rides today. We discussed some team theories of going to practice or a game even if we can’t practice or play 100%.

1. My first theory was about “banking” our practices. Since my son could not physically play for his MS today and he wouldn’t be as tired after his association football practice because he couldn’t play full strength, going to hockey today would be his best shot at doing all three activities in one day. Since he can’t wear his hockey gloves or hold a hockey stick, his practice would be light - mostly skating. Going to all three activities today was like putting savings into the bank. We should go to as many practices as we can so that when/if we need to miss out, coaches will know it is not typical. I use this theory for sharing carpool duties with other parents. I “bank” as many rides as I can upfront because I know at some point I will need help.

2. My son thinks he is one of the top players on his team. Ok, if that is so, then missing practice changes the dynamic of a team practice or game. A good player makes other players work harder because they aspire to be like them. A leader who still shows up to practice or a game injured, shows they care about the team and they want to continue to learn and grow. It’s a good example for others while raising the bar to be a team player. Note: Injured is one thing, showing up sick is NOT good for anyone.

3. Sometimes coaches say things in practices or games that are highly effective without knowing that what they say might actually sink in at that moment in practice or during a game. The more we are around the team, the chances of picking up valuable information is greater. We must look at this time as an opportunity to grow, not a waste of time. Wear a helmet and sit on the bench during the game. It’s the best seat in the house all while soaking in the messages that the coach is giving to the team.

4. When we went to the hockey game the day after the splint was put on my son’s sprained finger, we could tell that his teammates and coaches appreciated the trek out to watch them play (we won!). It matters.

5. This afternoon, after both football practices, my son told me his hockey coach didn’t care whether he went to practice or not. This is not true. As if I needed supporting data to prove that showing up was a good idea, I had to show my text conversation of when I asked the coach if he still wanted my son to come to practice just to skate and he said, “Yes.” I explained to my son further that just because his hockey coach is on board with multiple sports, it doesn’t mean that he’s ok with an injury from a sport that he is not coaching. This football injury effects him and his team; especially if they only have the minimum number of players on the team. If my son was really one of the better players on the team then he would be missed even more.

At this point, all of my talking didn’t seem to matter. My son was very embarrassed to be at hockey tonite because he thought it showed a sign of weakness that he got injured. I told him it was the opposite, it was sign of strength.

After a good 1.25 hours of skating, when I picked up the boys after hockey, I think some of this made sense. He must have realized that he was giving his teammates thoughtful pinches by showing up to practice. He was in very good spirits and it seems like he had bonded more with the players.

All of this is new for me because for ballet, which is the toughest sport out there, the dancers show up every day injured or not and no one would expect anything less!

Pinches,

Barb