I waited until the last minute to decide which habit I would work on for the 365 days in 2021. I knew that I was already going to try to ride the Peloton bike once or twice a week and I knew that I was going to try to cook more meals. But I needed something that I could do every day; a habit for 365 days. It had to be something small, almost like a “no brainer” or hard to skip. In doing this habit daily, the year’s effort would add up to be significant. More importantly, the habit should have the potential to continue for years.

When it became clear to me which habit I would choose this year, I was very apprehensive to share that it would be to spend 10 minutes in my faith every day. I love(d) sharing my past 365s but here are three reasons why it is scary for me to share this year’s:

1. When I was growing up I was taught not to talk about religion or politics. For most, speaking about religion still makes people feel uncomfortable.

2. I was afraid that I would turn off some people who do not believe in God, Jesus or any organized religion. Or if they do believe, they don’t have time to hear what I had to say about it.

3. I’m not quite sure what or how I am doing this. When I say “in my faith”, it means what I know to be my faith which includes more than Catholicism.

I arrived at my decision to get back in touch with my faith because two years ago I knew that running a mile every day was a good thing. Last year meditating for at least 5 minutes every day was a good thing. If I have time for my body and mind, I needed to make time to get spiritual in order to complete the package - body, mind and spirit. My only hesitation was that I didn’t know what I would count as “in my faith”.

I grew up Catholic but when I went to a Catholic college my faith was tested. We were required to study religion and I chose classes that were not traditional in my faith. In the end, my belief in Catholicism was stronger because of my exploration. After college I wanted to give back to the church by being a Catechist (church school teacher ) for Kindergartners, 7+8th graders, Preschoolers and for a couple of years I taught 2nd Grade for First Communion. I still assist with the Liturgy of the Word. I list these responsibilities not because I’m bragging, but because with every lesson I teach kids about our faith, it re-enforces it for myself.

And then COVID-19 came along. This Fall, the parents in our church were asked to guide our young children in Faith Formation (FFA) at home. I picked up the study material, learned what our role was and happily set off to teach my kids. Since I was already comfortable teaching religion, this wasn’t a stretch for me and I actually looked forward to it. However, as each week went by, I found myself behind in teaching them their lessons. I thought I would definitely catch up the following week. Long story short: I haven’t taught them a full lesson (yet). Each week when I would vow to find time to put faith in my life so that I could teach my kids, I knew something wasn’t right. This is when the short story becomes very long:

I didn’t find time for it. My reasoning is because during this pandemic, I have had SO MUCH faith that I am “faithed out”. Is that really a thing? I made it up to describe why I am where I am in my faith. My mom who lives with us prays all day long. I am surrounded by the sounds of prayer. I am constantly making mental notes of all the blessings that occur on an hourly basis. I have had the conversations with my kids about my thoughts on why COVID is happening, why people have to die and my God vs. my mom’s God. We never miss a mass (especially because the option to watch online means there are no excuses), we pray the rosary every week and say Grace before every single meal. I feel like we’re doing more than our fair share.

Even if I believed that to be true (which I don’t) it still begs the question: Why have I been so busy that I can’t spend time guiding my kids thru a 20-30 minute lesson once a week? After all, the state of MN has been on another “Pause” so I can’t blame it on hockey or ballet. It bothered me so much that I went to confession. It’s not really a sin but it’s not really good either. Our pastor sat patiently as I rambled on and on explaining that there was NO excuse for me not teaching my kids. He was cool and told me not to beat myself up too much. It is what it is because…pandemic. Great, I get to blame this too on the pandemic. Before I left, he gave me a couple of daily reading magazines. Inside I was thinking - I’m not a reader, I’m not a Bible person and I don’t have time - but I took the magazines anyway.

At home I read the appropriate entry for the day and I immediately did not like it. I wanted to like it because I wanted to stop feeling guilty. But the reading made me feel uneasy because it spelled out stuff that I never hear in mass (or maybe I’m not listening). The words were hard to follow and almost obscure in conveying the messages. Names were hard to pronounce and the references of countries turned me off. But I stuck to it and read the entries every day for 1.5 weeks. I realized it only took 2 minutes to do this. I felt like I was making progress even though I didn’t know what the heck was going on half the time. After December 31st, I had to start reading the next magazine for the new month/year. Before I found the reading for January 1st, I came across two articles in the magazine that I would have never read (again, not a reader and I don’t have time) but I was sucked in by the first few sentences of the first article. I related because at this point, many of us were viewing 2020 as a “count your blessings” year and it made me feel good about feeling good about 2020. The loss of family and friends to COVID, the loss of businesses and the cancellation of events when most would gather to celebrate were enough to make 2020 understandably loathed. However, logging onto social media to see all the bright spots, counted blessings and things people learned about themselves validated my feelings that all was not lost in 2020.

So if I continue to read the daily readings which takes 2 minutes and add the corresponding meditation which takes maybe 1.5 minutes - what am I going to do with the other 6.5 minutes? Your guess is as good as mine. I may journal, speak to God, say a decade of the rosary or all of the above. Maybe I’ll discover more ways to use up the time. I wish I could quantify into minutes, all my faith-filled thoughts that go thru my head. You know what I’m referring to. It’s when the elderly lady is trying to cross the icy street right when I need to drive thru the crosswalk because I’m already running late. I laugh and I acknowledge God for his sense of humor and count the blessing that I am only late to tennis which is a privilege; I’m not late to save a life. Or how about the moment I realize that I have everything to make dinner except one ingredient so I trudge off to the store and run into a friend I haven’t seen in years. I say thank you to God for the thoughtful pinch. If I add up all these acknowledgments in a day, I’m sure it would be way over 6.5 minutes which would accomplish my “10 minutes in my faith” habit.

My goal is not to memorize the Bible but to learn from it. My other goal is not to impose my faith on others but to gently guide my children in a safe direction. Other than that, I have no idea where this habit will take me but I am excited to find out. I am tired of feeling bad for not having enough time for the important things in my life. The same overly-stated-but-entirely-true about most possessions: faith, family, health and purpose. I no longer want the excuse for the absence of faith to be because of the pandemic or being “faithed out”. My gut tells me that if I continue with this year’s 365 habit, answers and time will emerge.

Pinches,

Barb