I accidentally watched a video that I posted on Saturday, January 2, 2021 and I am so embarrassed!! I said two things that need explanations. First I thanked my stylist for doing such a wonderful job in picking out clothes that give me grace if I gained weight (which I did). Then, I actually said, “I still feel pretty.”  UGH!

Before I address the stylist remark, I wanted to explain where the “pretty” comment came from.  The owner of the store Mille, Michelle Le Blanc, wrote a blog called “Pretty Mommy” way back when blogs were not common. In our mom group, she was our very own celebrity because she had a huge following.  The premise of the blog was to encourage mothers to consider themselves beautiful in the midst of the total chaos of motherhood. Her blog was very popular and she was able to sell clothes by many mom/women designers out of her home, then she opened her own store. Nowadays Michelle designs her own line and also sells it out of her store. The shirt that I am wearing in the embarrassing video is from Mille. Not many people would know anything about my homage to Michelle’s “pretty” reference so when I hear myself say it in the video, I cringe.

In regards to the statement about my stylist, I am fully aware that not all of of us have one. Hearing me say thank you to mine in the video makes me want to hide. Let me clarify, I am fine with sending my stylist a thoughtful pinch by publicly thanking her on social media for doing an awesome job. But I sound so presumptuous!  I just have to introduce you to Bec, my stylist, so you can see why her role in my life is not as presumptuous as it may seem.

Before Bec Spehar became a mom for two active boys she worked in the fashion industry among other jobs and career moves.  When she learned that her youngest son had Type 1 diabetes, Bec weighed the risk and reward of continuing to work. The scales were leaning towards risk so parenthood became her first priority.  Many parents make this choice without hesitation or regrets and channel their talents into hobbies. Lots have a creative outlet or side hustle while raising kids.  I’ve shared this part of the story before back in 2017 but Bec’s youngest son was on my son’s flag football team. We discussed fashion because I thought she looked great at the football games early Saturday mornings. She always looked pulled together as well as comfortable.  That is the look I always strive for.  When I approached her for help with my wardrobe, my expectations were very low; I assumed she would get to me when she had the time.  Bec did not leave me hanging. She met with me, took some measurements and asked me questions. When she told me her hourly rate, I argued that she was selling herself short. She insisted on keeping her rate as is because I was her friend.  The moment she sent me her list of clothes recommendations, I admired her talent immediately and I knew that I had solved my shopping dilemma.  After Bec secured more friend clients, she came back to me and said it made sense to raise the rate to my suggested rate. I was both proud and excited that she listened to me.  Charging a win-win rate is necessary because giving up our “free” time to provide a service or product has to be worth it. If burn out occurs or we fall out of love with our hobbies or if the time away from the family isn’t worth it, all parties will lose. I was glad that Bec saw the big picture.

For me, I pay Bec to curate my wardrobe because:

1. Time - Shopping for items that we want/need for our wardrobe should be pleasurable and stress-free. This is not the case for me because the whole time I’m shopping for clothes, I’d rather be doing something else with my time. Like finding some thoughtful pinches for the teachers!

2. Knowledge of Fashion - I don’t watch TV, follow fashion blogs, read magazines. I also don’t know designers, costs, and where to find clothes or accessories. I’d still be wearing Crocs with shorts if I didn’t have Bec to inform me what is in and what is out. Although I can fit into a trendy short skirt and a crop top, it is not the look that shows who I am these days. Having someone tell me that I have aged out of a look, is priceless. Besides, I’m sort of a hoarder so I need someone to help me let go of things that will not serve me in the future. Since Bec is not commissioned by designers or stores, the variety of her recommendations are very unique and unbiased.

3. It’s a Chore - Because Bec knows what she’s doing, it brings joy and ease into my life. Twice a year, we clean out the clothes that will not serve me and add back items that will. My closet is filled with clothes that fit me properly, look presentable and are current. Bonus: having the closet stocked with only the above makes getting ready in the morning easy. Done!

4. Cost - Many may feel like they can’t afford a stylist because there are big time stylists out there that charge a lot and most are on commission. I’d ask a friend who loves fashion and shopping. It could be very reasonable like Bec is for me. In the end, I save money (or the service pays for itself). Bec knows where to find looks within my budget. She will tell me what to invest in and what to buy cheap because it will only be worth a season. That intel alone is money well spent.

5. Mistakes - In the three years that I have had Bec’s help, I have only had to mail back 3 items. None of these were her fault. One was a mishap from the designer and one gave incorrect sizing on their site. One time we ordered two sizes for the same item because it was a new line for Bec and she was trying to see the fit for both sizes. However, when I make clothes shopping mistakes it’s because I’m either in a hurry, I don’t know what I’m doing or I was talked into buying something by the sales rep who is on commission. Then I have to return the items and ain’t nobody got time for that. Mistakes are rare because Bec usually only recommends items that she knows first hand or she has thoroughly read up on the items.

I didn’t have to justify to anyone why I have a stylist but now that I have, we have FINALLY arrived at the premise of my post. It may sound fancy that I have a stylist. Presumptuous. It may seem out of reach for many. But what drew me to wanting to give business to Bec is that she loved doing what she did before she was a mom. She is good at styling people because she cares about what she likes to do. And guess what, I don’t like clothes but I want to look good. How can we bridge the gap? Many parents have hobbies and passions that are viable and necessary to contribute to all communities. We can help make it happen. Imagine one of the things that your friend has a passion for that you absolutely have no interest in. It could be home decor, lawn and garden care, walk the dog, taxes, shoveling snow, cooking, setting up the Sonos or newest Apple product, Christmas gift wrapping, bake a homemade bday cake, nice handwriting for addressing wedding invites or making gifts etc. If a friend loves to walk dogs but doesn’t want to commit to owning a dog walking business or working for someone else, work out a deal to pay for dog walks. Even if they say, “It’s just a hobby, I’ll do it for free.” Insist on exchanging a service, product or money for the walks. Is it worth our time to learn how to write calligraphy for the wedding invites or could we pay a friend who, with ease, can whip out an addressed envelope in 2 minutes? BTW, this friend loves to write calligraphy so the project would be more fun than work. In a post entitled The Dream Team I list other examples of support, check it out. Look around. The resources we seek could be right under our noses. Instead of Trader Joe’s, we can give the business to the mom friend who loves to make coco bombs. We can pay our friend to wrap our gifts when we don’t have time or because we absolutely hate wrapping gifts.

By nurturing the passions of our friends we can do so much good in the world. Supporting them to continue to share their talents is not only nice, but it is necessary if we want them to value their work and continue to be passionate. Although the post today was about having a particular support system in place for fashion or style, just insert whatever type of support is needed to see if the five reasons that I list above helps justify the need for support. If it does, it probably won’t be as presumptuous as it seems.

Pinches,

Barb