Mother’s Day 2020 was the most PERFECT day of my year so far.  This statement is significant because the Virgo in me strives for perfection 24/7 but the Type-A in me doesn’t ever let that happen.  My Mother’s Day was special because I felt completely BALANCED.  Yowza! That’s another significant statement because I equate the concept of “balance” to a unicorn. Everyone wants to believe in unicorns even though we know they don’t really exist. And everyone wants to believe that there is such a thing called “balance”. In fact, there is a whole section in Barnes and Noble called Self-Help where 90% of the books are guides to achieve some type of balance. Deep down most of us know - complete balance doesn’t really exist.

I’ve been a yogi (someone who practices yoga) for many years and I’ve recently taken up meditating. Although I only meditate for 5 minutes a day, I can proudly say that in the year of 2020, I have meditated for 127 days so far. Achieving balance is pretty much the main goal for both yogis and meditators. However, if balance was easy to achieve via yoga or meditation, we wouldn’t need medication, therapists, self-help books, alcohol, weed, Netflix - you get my drift. We can all certainly achieve balance while we practice yoga and/or meditate but at some point, we still have to go out into the world and deal with every day minutia. This throws us off balance again and so we buy unlimited monthly passes for yoga. If only we could just stay in savasna forever.

Some people think that balance is a state of mind. I agree and disagree. I have an open mind that can receive the concept of balance, embrace it and invite it to stay awhile. But it never stays. The scale always has to tip one way or the other just like a working mom. She wants her career to be in balance with raising a family. Realistically, her life consists of pockets of undivided attention. Some days there are more pockets for work than there are for family or vice versa. Complete balance is hard to achieve on a daily basis because at some point, in a 24 hour time period, she would have to sleep. Many of us want that mystical, awesome and rare life balance; it’s as if we are are chasing unicorns.

Although, who can blame us for wanting balance? Especially when we read highly recommended self-help books and see a bunch of posts on social media that paint an ideal lifestyle. The coveted “it” factor that we all want is balance (a.k.a harmony, peace). Let’s pretend you saw the following post on your social media feed:

Wouldn’t you agree that it sounded like I had a perfect and balanced Mother’s Day? No one (except you) would ever know the back story: A couple of weeks ago, I had to order and send a bingo game set to my brother and make arrangements for the Zoom call so that we could all play Bingo together which was my thoughtful pinch to my mom. I planned the entire Mother’s Day menu for all the meals and went to the grocery store for all the ingredients. I was up until 2am the night before setting the table, finding candles, wrapping gifts, writing my mom a card, preparing food for the brunch, 7 Layer Dip and the dinner. I’m guessing that some moms might not consider preparing for their own Mother’s Day and going to bed at 2am and/or cooking as their idea of a perfect and balanced day. My message is this: Even though I genuinely had a perfect day, it doesn’t happen often - it’s rare. Some people post things that seem perfect every single day and therefore their life seems balanced and achievable. Remember, not everyone is a unicorn.

Before I go, I wanted to share that while I was on my Mother’s Day walk with my hub, I told him that I felt guilty for feeling so happy. During this time, due to COVID-19, I am able to organize my life exactly the way I want it and I’m thrilled.  I have been getting almost everything accomplished on my 2020 Vision Board in a matter of 2 months. Meanwhile, all over the country, people are dying, businesses are failing, people are out of work, kids are getting sub par education at home, domestic violence and suicide cases are way up and there is a great divide on how to handle the pandemic. Again, this is when the concept of balance is not a state of mind. On one side of the scale, there are families who are cherishing this time together, slowing down their pace of life, exercising more and enjoying new or old hobbies. Yet on the other side of the scale, there is so much loss. As a nation, we are not balanced and for this, I feel so guilty.

I know that I’m not alone; there are many of us who feel guilty about being glad for this time away from the hustle and bustle. What I will continue to do is find new ways to help others so that I can restore some of the balance within myself between being happy and feeling guilty about it. Maybe others will too.

Pinches,

Barb