Writing thank you notes is something thoughtful that I am constantly encouraging. I am also frequently bringing up not-so-easy situations like suffering the loss of a loved one. I’m Here. You’re There and Return to Sender are two posts that I share thoughtful gestures and/or pinches for those situations. On a scale of ease for thoughtful situations: writing a thank you card is WAAAAAAAY easier than writing sympathy cards. There are so many of us who want to reach out to someone during a loss but feel apprehensive because we fear we may do or say the wrong things. If I could just make one person feel comfortable in this situation, I will have made a difference. So here’s my attempt:

• Just like I am always saying, “There is no expiration date to say thank you.”, I feel the exact way about offering condolences. In fact, I purposely wait at least 2 months before I formally reach out to anyone after they have lost a loved one. I’ll acknowledge the death via post or text but I may not formally write a note for weeks. I do this for two reasons: 1. I need time to digest this death. Holding onto this loss for at least two months gives me time to genuinely feel the empty space for the person left behind. And 2. Everyone is usually around in the beginning but returns back to their life routine after a couple of weeks. The life of the person we care about has changed forever. I wouldn’t worry too much about WHEN we send a note, I’d worry about HOW we send it. The more sincere the content, the better.

• We want to do more than just write a sympathy card but an official list of popular condolence-themed gifts doesn’t really exist (Pinterest has plenty of ideas). So what is appropriate? Create something for the person you care about. I created a journal that was originally called “I’m Here. You’re There.” This journal allows the griever space to grieve at their own pace and collect their thoughts and items in a supported way. The name of the journal has since changed to Cloud Pinches because it is the keeper of the gifts that we would have given to our loved ones if they were still with us.

I had hoped to have the Cloud Pinches journals professionally made a couple of years ago and I thought by now, they would be in stores near you. I finally took matters into my own hands and made a few of these journals by hand. But I need a little help so I hired my cousin’s daughter for her talent in hand lettering.

• Lastly, consider this: What makes a person miss their loved ones the most is when no one talks about them. Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who died. Thinking that it would make someone feel sad to talk about them, is missing the point. We want to know that they have not been forgotten.

For me, it’s fun to bring up easy opportunities of when and how to show thoughtfulness - Thank You Card Thursdays, National Days like Banana Bread Day, Say “IT” Again Saturdays, MindShift Mondays etc. However, just as equally, I want to shed light on the not-so-easy situations. It’s so natural to avoid talking about death. Many skip buying a sympathy card or a gift because we want to be “safe”. That’s perfectly normal! Together, we’re curating our thoughts and we’re practicing our skills for fun and not-so-fun situations. I’m proud of us!

Pinches,

Barb